SYNOPSIS: DEATH FOR BEGINNERS
Pardon my asking, but when you die, who’s coming to your farewell party? Do the invitations include your best friend and exclude cousin Vinny? Will your favorite song be played? Will someone read that funny letter you left behind? Don’t know? Haven’t thought about it? Would like to plan it but jeez … death?
Take heart. There is hope and it’s called Death for Beginners: a non-threatening, slightly humorous, step-by-step guide to the practical side of death (breathe deeply and remain serene). This hands-on, easy to read, pragmatic manual is directed toward those 76 million Baby Boomers who will soon be dealing with the Grim Reaper and it’s just what the national psyche is ready for. Don’t believe it? Turn on your TV and watch HBO’s Six Feet Under or A&E’s Family Plots. Go online and view the Death Clock(TM), the Internet's friendly reminder that life is slipping away. Head to the movies and figure out The Sixth Sense, or read Newsweek’s November 11, 2005 issue “Ready or Not, Boomers Turn 60”. Let The Learning Channel scare you with near-death experiences. Next, venture onto Amazon.com and scroll through the 2,574 books about death and dying.
Who needs another book on death? One third of the U.S. population, that’s who. Why do they need Death for Beginners? Because it’s different. THIS book is formatted like a workbook with tons of information, is written in Baby Boomer language, and contains humor. Death for Beginners is a quick read with lots of information, fast. This book helps the reader plan for his own death and guides him through the steps he must take if he is the one left in charge when a family member or close friend dies. For each step in the process the reader is given facts, definitions, options, examples, pros and cons, costs, checklists and a worksheet to fill out with his choices. Death for Beginners helps the reader quickly accomplish the difficult but necessary task of planning for death.
So if no one knows that you want your memorial service held on the beach with lots of beer and the Rolling Stones blaring “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, Death for Beginners is just what the Grim Reaper ordered. Take a deep breath, Buckaroo. Let’s get started.
DEATH FOR BEGINNERS
Hoping to catch the bus, eighteen year old Maretta dashed across the street, only to be slammed into and thrown 50 yards by an oncoming car. She died one day later. The family was stunned and rendered helpless by the tragedy. Maretta’s sister, my best friend, Regina, was left to deal with the details. As best friends will, I pitched in and found myself smack in the middle of chaos. We had no idea what to do. The doctor asked about organ donation. Regina was unsure what her sister would have wanted, I thought it was a good idea and the mother became hysterical at the thought of her youngest being “buried in pieces”. We chose a funeral home out of the phone book and sat dazed as the greedy funeral director told Regina, “Miss Mobley, you realize that because you are the top television newscaster in the area everyone at the funeral will be looking to see what you have done for your sister.” He smiled as he showed her the $20,000 casket. I sat quietly and visualized my hands around his neck.
As Regina and I ricocheted from decisions about flowers to buying a cemetery plot to figuring out who would speak at the service, we encountered people like the shop owner who tried to sell Regina a $300 dress for Maretta to wear at her “final appearance.” This time I visualized a gun. We sat up until dawn trying to make lists but all my mind could do was spit out strange bits of advice like “Be sure to wear waterproof mascara to the funeral”. What list should that go on?
The fact was we had no lists, no guide to follow and no idea what Maretta would have wanted. We were flying blind, and grief and shock clouded our decisions. Tell me just exactly how DO you bargain for the best price on a cemetery plot when you are going to use that land to dig a hole and put your sister in it?
The answer is what 76 million people in the United States need to know. One third of today’s population is between the ages of 35 and 55. According to Profile of the Nation: An American Portrait, 1998, the median age was 37.4 in the year 2000. The Baby Boomers are aging and beginning to face the reality of having to bury their parents, and not just their parents. The U.S. Census Bureau shows that in January 2006, the first of the Baby Boomers will turn 60. Soon they will be burying each other. Yes, the very generation who believes that Jim Morrison is still alive and that Donna Reed is still dusting that coffee table is having to face facts. Each and every one of them stands in need of a practical, hands-on, non-threatening guide to the realities surrounding death. That is exactly what Death for Beginners is and they are going to buy it.
American Demographics June 2004 issue states “Just as they've reinvented or modified every life stage they've entered, the Baby Boom generation is beginning to rewrite the way America deals with life's final chapter.” Bill Geist in his book The Big 5-Oh notes that another Boomer turns 50 every seven seconds. This unique generation will buy Death for Beginners because it is written specifically for them using their language. This is the generation who, along Steven Spielberg, Bill Clinton and Candice Bergen, saw the Lone Ranger meet danger head on, who watched HopAlong Cassidy get his man, and who gasped when Sky King landed Song Bird in terrifying conditions. Standing in their backyards, they used their plastic six-guns to fight imaginary injuns and it is in this language that Death for Beginners is written.
Readers will buy this book because it is topical. Interest in death is everywhere. Emmy-winning Six Feet Under is in its fifthth season on HBO. A&E’s spin-off reality-TV show Family Plots is in its second season. NBC Nightly News does stories on death during sweeps, the Discovery Channel abounds with shows about near-death experiences, on the Internet, Google shows 5,520,000 hits for “planning a funeral” and 167,000 hits for “Baby Boomer websites”. Brad Pitt is playing the Grim Reaper and Bruce Willis is dead, or is he? Lawrence Downes in his December 11, 2006 New York Times “Editorial Notebook” writes about Joan Didion’s bestselling book The Year of Magical Thinking “But that's the baby boom for you. This vast American cohort has exhaustively explored life's other big themes: love and sex, work and child care. Now, inevitably, boomers are watching loved ones die, and confronting their own fragility.” Folks, death has gone mainstream.
Readers will buy Death for Beginners because they are time poor. “Hectic lifestyles are common for baby boomers” states retail industry newsletter The Strategic Solution, noting that Boomer leisure time is infringed upon by the various demands of life. Death for Beginners is a quick read with lots of information, fast. This book has facts at the reader’s fingertips so he doesn’t have to spend a large amount of time reading and digesting. The reader is given the data, definitions, examples, pros and cons, and then chooses his options on an easy to use worksheet. This is a quick “grab, read, do, and get on with your life” type of book.
Readers will buy this book because it is a good deal and fits with current Boomer issues. According to a MetLife “Demographic Profile”, older Boomers (60 years of age) seem more concerned than younger Boomers about the future; they spend 20% more than average on life insurance and other personal insurances. Death for Beginners encourages the reader to copy the worksheets for use by his entire family.
Readers will buy Death for Beginners because it solves problems. American Demographics, June 2004 states “As they plan for the end of life, often for their parents these days, issues of control, increased choice and a new search for meaning and ritual motivate Boomers.” This age group knows that planning for death is something they should do and this book will help them quickly accomplish a difficult but necessary task. The book also includes checklists for the readers to use when they have to deal with the death of another.
Why will the audience buy Death for Beginners instead of other death related books currently on the shelves? Because this book is different. A review of recently published books about death shows that NONE of the books combine the four elements which make Death for Beginners unique: (1) quick and easy access to information, (2) a workbook format, (3) resource lists, and (4) a style of writing aimed specifically at the Baby Boomer generation.
A search of Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com reveals various titles about death currently on the shelves. The three best sellers are:
The Checklist for Life: A Working Book to Help You Live and Leave This Life (AAIP Publishing, 1997). Like Death, this book has information on wills, pre-planning funerals and choosing caskets. Unlike Death, it contains only 22 pages dealing with the actual death. The rest of the book is about making memories and lists of important papers and dates.
Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate?: A Guide to Passing on Personal Possessions (University Extension Services, 1999) Like Death this book deals with dividing family property and includes humor to balance the subject matter. Unlike Death, it deals with this subject only, leaving out the choices and checklists for planning a death.
Get It Together: Organize Your Records so Your Family Won't Have To (Law for All Series, NOLO, 2005) Like Death, this book provides information about burial, cremation, funerals and obituaries. Unlike Death, it has no workbook, is 400 pages in length and concentrates on tracking and organizing important family paperwork.
A search of the three most recently published titles on death reveals the following:
Saying Goodbye Your Way: Planning or Buying a Funeral or Cremation for Yourself or Someone You Love (Tropico Press, September 2004) Like Death this book is a realistic guide to making important, difficult decisions when a loved one dies, or when preparing for one's own departure. Unlike Death, it is 208 pages, is not a quick read, has several chapters concerning the emotional aspects of death and contains no workbook pages.
Funeral Planning: You’re in Charge (Blue Tree Books, 2004) Like Death this book provides information on planning funerals and other choices. Unlike Death, this book is written for a much older audience and contains only one workbook page.
When Death Occurs: A Practical Consumer's Guide to Burial, Cremation, Body Donation, Funerals, and Memorials (Consumer Advocate Press MI, January 2003)
Like Death, this book is a step-by-step manual showing how to pre-plan for a personalized funeral, memorial, cremation, even body donation. Unlike Death, this book is 208 pages and contains no workbook pages.
Choices at the End of Life: Finding out What Your Parents Want before It's Too Late (Fairview Press, October 2001) Like Death, this book encourages families to plan and helps open delicate death planning discussions. Unlike Death, a large part of this book concentrates on hospice care, medical directives and how to talk to doctors. There are no workbook pages.
Parting: Celebrate a Life by Planning a Meaningful, Creative Funeral (ACW Press, October 2002) Like Death, this book contains information on funeral etiquette, biographical questions, forms and checklists. Unlike Death, this book does not contain information about what to do immediately after death, and it contains no worksheets.
Other 2005 bestsellers both fiction and nonfiction show the public’s interest in death and dying:
The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion. Knopf Publishing Group October 2005.
Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral, Gayden Metcalfe, Charlotte Hays, Hyperion, March 2005
The Funeral Planner, Lynn Isenberg, Red Dress Ink, September 2005.
Finally, readers will buy Death for Beginners because this is a “reader friendly” book. Each chapter contains: (1) an introduction defining the topic and explaining its importance in advance planning, (2) examples, options, pros and cons, and costs (3) work sheets for planning this particular stage of the process, (4) a checklist readers can use if they have to deal with the unexpected death of another, and (5) resource lists of books, organizations and web sites for more information. Each chapter also includes sidebars that range from the factual to the slightly bizarre:
- Surviving members of the Grateful Dead, along with Jerry Garcia's friends and family, attended a private service in Tiburon, CA on August 11, 1995. In order to prevent Deadheads from mobbing the church, the location of the service was a closely guarded secret. Jerry was visible in an open casket, wearing a black t-shirt and a windbreaker. There were thunderbolts made of roses. Garcia's daughter Annabelle, 25, said what a lousy father he'd been but she was smiling when she said it.
- “ I guess Dale and I know pretty well, like her song says, that ‘some trails are happy ones and others are blue’; and we know that when we have to part, it will be only ‘till we meet again.’ And that time, our happy trails will be for all eternity.” Roy Rogers. Happy Trails: Our Life Story (Simon and Schuster, 1994)
- Mr. T. Fowler of Sullivan Engineering in Ebenezer, near Sydney, Australia, has told the Natural Death Centre of plans for a $3.5m plant to produce coffins made from recycled newspapers. They are hoping for a worldwide franchise operation and he has had “overtures from England”. The coffins look very similar to wooden ones and are very strong. As he told the Funeral Services Journal, “I've put one on trestles and jumped up and down on it and it showed no signs of breaking.” The Natural Death Handbook (Natural Death Centre, 2003)
- LifeGem, an Elk Grove Village IL firm, will make a diamond out of cremation ashes. Now you can choose to wear your mother on your hand or around your neck, which ever is most appropriate.
- Eternal Reefs will lay cremated remains to rest in an underwater reef which will serve as a platform for growing coral and as a playground for fish. This is for whichever relative is best suited for “sleeping with the fishes”.
In addition to the Boomers who will find this book helpful, secondary markets include hospices, funeral homes, nursing homes, hospitals, religious organizations, physicians, social services, senior citizens centers, military and civilian retirement centers, the Veterans Administration and AARP.
So as Barbie turns forty and 76 million Baby Boomers begin the task of dealing with the end of the road, Death for Beginners is here to help them avoid the chaos surrounding death and keep their friends from strangling funeral directors. Or, as Death for Beginners says in the introduction:
“Remember when Dale and Roy wished us happy trails? They meant the ENTIRE trail, even the part that leads off into the sunset. Think of this book as a guide to the last stretch of your own, personal happy trails. Because, my friends, all of us are going to go riding into that cowboy sunset and if the trail is well marked, those we’ve left behind will have an easier time of it.”
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